Unless you send a large funeral piece, family of the deceased will take your flowers home. So, a nice vase or basket arrangement of seasonal flowers that would brighten their home would be most appropriate. You don’t want to send anything that looks too depressing.

Another option is to send a basket of assorted plants. Any professional florist can make one of those. Most families would love a basket of plants, because they last longer than cut-flowers. In fact it is a nice thought to give a potted plant that will not die quickly, and could be a reminder of death for the grieving, as cut flowers can be.

White roses are associated with honor and reverence, which makes them a fitting memorial for a departed loved one. Funeral and sympathy arrangements traditionally incorporate white roses as a part of the tribute. As a symbol of remembrance, the white rose represents heavenly virtues and is an expression of spiritual love and respect. If you can find gladiolus, those are also traditionally a funeral flower. Chrysanthemums, lilies, carnations and daisies are all favorites for funeral arrangements.

A simpler way to put this is; if there is an estate, all bills will be paid from that before any inheritance is given. The funeral costs will also come out of the estate. If the person has no money when they die their bills like credit cards, etc. are discharged and no one has to pay them. If there are Mortgages and the like the item will be reposessed or auctioned, and the funeral expenses will be the responsibility of the next of kin. If there is an estate after all bills are paid, each person, by law who could prove they were a legal heir would get an equal amount

If the bills are not in your name, then you are not responsible. But if you are living in the house then it is evident that you would want to continue to pay those bills, like lights and gas, etc. Just keep a record.
Do not pay any medical bills or other debts. They are no one’s responsibility if they are not in your name. Once an attorney has been contacted they will notify any creditors and they will have a certain amount of time to make a claim. If you all decide to keep the estate and not abandon it, then you will have to pay those creditors if they do indeed make a claim. But then and only then, do you have to pay any other debts of the deceased.

Decedent Estate

The estate of the deceased typically covers the costs of the funeral. Access to estate assets may be difficult, as such it is also common for family or friends to pay for the costs of a funeral with the expectation of the estate reimbursing the costs. The person arranging the funeral may be asked to sign a promissory note; That person will be responsible for payment in full, even if the estate cannot cover the funeral costs.

Insurance

Insurance will cover the costs of a funeral, if it was purchased. Funeral plans are not always discussed with family and friends prior to the need for a funeral. It is worth checking if funeral insurance was ever purchased. Be sure to check with the employer of the deceased to find out if funeral insurance was provided as a benefit.

Survivor Benefits

Survivor benefits may assist with the cost of a funeral. Survivor benefits will not typically cover the full expense of a funeral. Common survivor benefits include social security, veterans administration, and associations that the deceased was a member of.

Local Municipality

The local municipality will typically accept financial responsibility if the estate, relatives, and friends cannot pay. Funds provided by a municipality are typically between $500-$1500.

Funeral Collections

Funeral costs can often exceed the funds available from the estate and survivor benefits. Funeral homes will send unpaid expenses to collections. Make sure you understand your obligations when signing a promissory note for a funeral.

It is illegal to post your own notice showing details and dates of a funeral. A funeral notice can only be done by a licensed funeral director when they have cited the death certificate and can verify that the certificate matches the body. You cannot do it yourself because there would be a lot of people posting fake funeral notices of people who they hold a grudge against.

Writing an obituary is the responsibility of the family or next of kin of the deceased. There are many ways to write one, you could begin just with the name of the deceased. Date of death, then accomplishments, then family. It is recommended to look at a paper and see how others have done it and what seems appropriate to you.

In order to write an obituary, here are some rules:

You mention the person’s home town and relatives
you never say anything negative
you try to say something positive, no matter how it sounds to people who actually know the person.

All actions at a funeral are to help the living come to closure with their feelings about and with the passed person. Often this is not the final moment in closure.

There is a history of a (mourning period) where duration in many cultures ranges from days to a closure point defined by an elder

The tradition of bagpipes played at fire department and police department funerals in the United States goes back over one hundred fifty years. When the Irish and Scottish immigrated to this country, they brought many of their traditions with them. One of these was the bagpipe, often played at Celtic weddings, funerals and ceilis (dances).

It wasn’t until the great potato famine and massive Irish immigration to the East Coast of the United States that the tradition of the pipes really took hold in the fire department. In the 1800′s, Irish immigrants faced massive discrimination. Factories and shops had signs reading “NINA” – No Irish Need Apply. The only jobs they could get were the ones no one else wanted – jobs that were dirty, dangerous, or both – firefighters and police officers. It was not an uncommon event to have several firefighters killed at a working fire. The Irish firefighters’ funerals were typical of all Irish funerals – the pipes were played. It was somehow okay for a hardened firefighter to cry at the sound of pipes when his dignity would not let him weep for a fallen comrade.

Those who have been to funerals when bagpipes are played know how haunting and mournful the sound of the pipes can be. Before too long, families and friends of non-Irish firefighters began asking for the piper to play for these fallen heroes. The pipes add a special air and dignity to the solemn occasion.

Associated with cities such as Boston, New York, Philadelphia, and Chicago, pipe bands representing both fire and police often have more than 60 uniformed playing members. They are also traditionally known as Emerald Societies after Ireland – the Emerald Isle. Many bands wear traditional Scottish dress while others wear the simpler Irish uniform. All members wear the kilt and tunic, whether it is a Scottish clan tartan or Irish single color kilt. Today, the tradition is universal and not just for the Irish or Scottish. The pipes have come to be a distinguishing feature of a fallen hero’s funeral.

What is the correct funeral etiquette?

You can go see the clergyman who will take care of the service, and arrange all this with them. He/she is there to give you guidance when you need it most. If you want the gathering to be structured, you might want to have an order of service. If you just want a “gathering”, then you shouldn’t need it. Since you’re planning on having it at a church, I would do an order of service. You may want to get a large picture of your loved one and have it placed where people can see it as they enter the sanctuary of the church. You may want to have one or two scripture readings, maybe a song and have people on program to do remarks. Remarks are nice because it gives most people an opportunity to share wonderful, sometimes humorous memories of their loved one. Also, be sure to let each speaker know that they are limited to 2 minutes each so that you’re not there all night listening to a long winded speaker.

Popular songs for a Christian funeral:
Come to His/Her Aid
I Know That My Redeemer lives
Song of Farewall
Saints of God
Song of Farewell
In Paradisum
May Flights of Angels Lead You
May Saints and Angels Lead You on
May Songs of the Angels
Be Not Afraid
Blest Are they
Center of My Life
Eye has Not Seen
For All the Saints
Holy Darkness
I Am the Bread of Life
Jesus, Remember Me
Keep in Mind
On Eagles Wings
Prayer of St. Francis
Shepherd Me, O God
The Hand of God Shall Hold You
We Shall Rise Again
You Are Near

Contact the funeral home or church where the services are being conducted and find out the next of kin’s full name. If you would like to help with funeral expenses, the family may have already started a fund at a bank and they often list this information in the obituary.

Memorial contributions can be made in the name of the deceased at any time. In a nice sympathy card, write a personal note of comfort, and then write a line asking the family to ‘please accept this memorial contribution in the deceased’s name, please use this for anything you and your family need at this time.’ (The implied message here is that it be used for expenses related to the funeral, without coming right out and saying so.) Sign off with your affection or best wishes, and it’s done.

You could also make a donation to a charity in their memory – most charities are prepared for these types of donations and will provide a card for you to give to the family showing that you’ve made the donation. If they died of a particular illness, it could be a charity related to curing that illness. If not, you could simply make a donation to a charity you think they would appreciate (maybe something to help the homeless, or children, etc.). It’s a good cause, it doesn’t go bad, and it’s in their name.  When a family member passes away, many people do this and it can make the family feel that something good was coming out of their passing.

Another option would be to, call your florist where you are and order something for X amount of dollars. Tell them what to say on the card and let them know what funeral home and who died. They will call another florist in that town and have the arrangement delivered. Florists do this all the time for each other, but you don’t know what the arrangement will look like until you get there.

The costs vary based upon your location. You really need to research this in your own area based upon what your family wants included. The cost of a funeral in a typical U.S. city might look like this:

Body pickup, body preparation, funeral home facilities — $1,000

Mid-quality casket — $2,000

Wake, 2 viewings over course of 1 day — $500

Vehicles, pall bearers, church service, graveside service — $1,000

Single grave — $2,500

Concrete grave liner — $500

Opening/closing grave — $500

Concrete base for tombstone — $500

Inscribed standing tombstone — $2,000

TOTAL = $9,500